Birthday Blues
Every single year since I was 11, I’ve cried on my birthday…
Except for last year.
And it all ties back to my nemesis, Mirror Man. We all have a Mirror Man. They’re the ideal version of you that lives your dreams, never makes mistakes, and fulfills your potential. Basically, Mirror Man is you, but perfect, so his superpowers are everything you lack. My Mirror Man’s powers include a:
Super-Wealth Suit
Anti-Procrastination Anklets and
Potential Fulfillment Portal
Mirror Man always feels 10 steps ahead, 10 times the person I’ll ever be.
My solution? Avoid Mirror Man like the plague, because constantly playing catchup to him is exhausting. If I don’t compare myself to him, I won’t feel bad. It’s kinda like refusing to open your bank app when you know you’re broke. Don't get me wrong, I try to be better at this life thing regardless, because I’m not a complete wasteman, but for the most part I stay away from anything that forces me to fully reckon with Mirror Man’s awesomeness. This avoidant strategy works pretty well most of the year, but it falls apart horribly in November. Most people associate November with falling leaves, pumpkin spice lattes and turkey, but it only means one thing to me - my birthday.
Yup, that dreaded occasion when I have no choice but to reflect on the past year, and by extension, my life. And you know what that means… Looking Mirror Man squarely in the eyes. For as long as I can remember, the month of November has been a knockout blow for me. My reality always felt washed out next to Mirror Man’s brilliance, and that set into motion a vicious cycle of self-doubt, negative self talk and shame.
Birthday Blues EP
Track 1: Never good enough.
Track 2: Livin’ Lazy.
Track 3: Wasted potential.
Like Christmas carols for the yuletide season, this tracklist shows a few of the greatest hits from birthdays past - the Birthday Blues EP. These haunting harmonies always reached a crescendo on my birthday, when the flood of negative thoughts inevitably burst through the dam behind my eyes. Thinking about Mirror Man, my unfulfilled potential, used to make me cry every year on my birthday.
But last year was different.
Last year, I finally found Mirror Man’s kryptonite. It only took me a quarter of a century. In my quest to find it, I checked ancient scrolls and enlisted many companions, only to realize that I had the power the whole time. It’s almost like I’d been searching for my glasses while wearing them - I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.
Last year’s bout of birthday blues was horrid. A few days before my birthday, I felt trapped in my 9-5 and couldn’t see much progress elsewhere in my life. I started comparing myself to Mirror Man, and it made me feel incredibly stagnant and frustrated. As my negative thoughts spiralled, the waterworks flowed and the dam burst. But as I lay in my partner's arms and sobbed, a song I’d never heard before filtered through the windows from the neighboring apartment. The music was like a ray of sunshine, banishing the birthday blues and the dark cloud they had cast over my head. In that hazy moment, the opening lyrics of Wizkid’s ‘Blessed’ brought clarity, and reminded me of the good in myself and in the past year.
“I might be rough around the edges, maybe yes
I keep it nappy and I do what makes me happy
And nobody can deny me that I'm blessed”
The lyrics were simple, but they calmed my emotional storm. They reminded me that I didn’t need to be perfect to live a good life. But more importantly, they reminded me of my blessings. I began to realise that 2020, despite the pandemic and all it stole from us, was a special year for me.
When lockdowns hit Ghana, I started a virtual book club that helped me meet authors from around the world, make 250 new friends and find the love of my life. I also led the Liberia mission for a UN project that led to an Africa Excellence award, the first of its kind for my firm. My Game Changer weekly stories got picked up by a radio station, I took road trips with friends, and I connected with my younger brother in ways we never had before. Wizkid’s song made me realize that I had so much to be grateful for. I was blessed.
When the song first started, Mirror Man called my bluff. The negative notes in my head only got louder. But Wizkid sang them into silence. As the song ended, it felt like Mirror Man was getting smaller… No wait, I was getting BIGGER! I felt like a post-mushroom Mario. Gratitude allowed me to really see myself and everything I had gone through in the past year from the right lens. Gratitude made me feel twice as tall. I’d found my superpower, I’d found Mirror Man’s Kryptonite, I’d found… The Gratitude Gauntlet.
But like any good nemesis, Mirror Man refuses to stay down. In moments when I allow comparison and discontent into my life, he lurks in the shadows, pulling me closer and lulling me into the familiar cycle of self-doubt. To be honest, Mirror Man still wins sometimes. I’ll never be rid of him, because he’s a part of me. But I’m no longer defenseless. Rumour has it that Mirror Man is planning a grand comeback in November, but this time, me and my Gratitude Gauntlet will be waiting.
PS: Thanks to the Charlie Bleeker, Michael Dean, Fei-Ling Tseng, Nico Choksi and the rest of the WOP7 gang for their feedback in getting this piece ready to publish.
